My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
