I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
