why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
