i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
