just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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