**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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