that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
