I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
