From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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