singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
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By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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