I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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