I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need to calm my uterus...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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