he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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