Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
