I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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