So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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