My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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