i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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