Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
