forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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