There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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