I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
