why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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