I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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