Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
