i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
