Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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