My liver just broke up with me...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
