Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
