just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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