At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
