the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
