well I can't set my house on fire every night
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
