Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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