I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize