dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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