OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
