I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Randomize
