Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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