he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
