Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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