i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
