i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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