and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
