YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
