another moral hangover. fuck.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
