when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
