clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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