so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
