he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
