Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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