'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
did i walk over a car last night?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
