i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
