remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
