Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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