were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
