I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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