i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
