Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
