I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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