My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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