Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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