Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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