I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
