she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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