I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
