He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
